I see you moms at the park or out in the neighborhood. Walking so leisurely and allowing your children to enjoy the freedom of walking along hands free or swinging from the monkey bars as you sit and watch from afar.
Oh how I long to be that carefree…
I am just not built that way… I worry. My mind wanders to the worst possible scenarios when it comes to letting these precious little pieces of my heart venture out into the world.
Stepping foot outside of my home with three young babes is an automatic trigger for every protective instinct in my body to come alive.
I just want to protect them, I long for them to stay safe…
For me, letting my kids play in the driveway without losing my mind because I am afraid of them getting hurt, is a feat.
Before we even set foot out of the door, we have a briefing session, reminding them of everything they need to be mindful of in order for them to stay safe.
No running into the street, stay where I can see you, if you are going farther than that let me know first…. on and on goes the list as my littles scurry to find adventure.
Often times, I have been chastised or felt judged because of my overly cautious mannerisms…
An anxious mind and heart just doesn’t register to everyone.
It just isn’t logical…
But love is a complicated emotion created by a complex God. What makes us think a human mind could possibly conceive its depths of power?
I have a stigma in my mind that the enemy seems to prefer as a weapon of choice that a lot of times people see me out with my kids and they think ‘oh no look, there is a crazy helicopter mom hovering.’
I am constantly correcting, lecturing, and yes… hovering near by.
But it is a legitimate struggle of mine and it takes on many forms.
Anxiety is a real and very tricky thing. It can make the smallest seed of fear grow into a forest in a matter of minutes.
If only these other parents knew the courage it took for me or any mom with anxiety to venture out and allow their kids the freedom to hurt themselves.
Recently, sitting around a table with some sweet sisters in Christ we discussed the need for our children to be allowed to experience emotional or physical pain. It was so life giving to have an authentic conversation and a community of mamas who just got it.
As a mother, instinctively, we don’t want our children to hurt but trying to protect them from all of it only leaves us mentally and physically worn out.
God didn’t design us to be the perfect parent… that’s His job..
So many days I feel extreme guilt for the weight of my anxiety on my children. Many times I fear that my fears and protective nature will leave them immature mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
For you other anxious mamas, I know it is hard. I know you feel trapped by your emotions because those babies are so precious to you and if you are anything like me the serious fear of judgment from other moms makes it even worse.
This past year our oldest son faced a huge learning struggle. He had a very hard time reading and it crippled his confidence.
As a mom, it was so incredibly hard seeing my child hurt and to think of himself as less because of his struggle. It was hard to stand on the sidelines and watch.
It was a long season of patience and continual encouragement and of course, prayer.
Lots and lots of prayer…
When the realization of the struggle began I inflicted a lot of guilt on myself. I should have taught him more at home… I should have paid more attention….I should have been more intentional…
But, I am here to tell you as I look back now I am so glad he hurt.
I am so thankful for the struggle…
That’s right I am rejoicing in a pain my child faced.
God allowed him to struggle, which then allowed my son to see His goodness. He allowed my baby to learn the power of prayer by authentically taking a struggle to Him and watching him work in his life.
And He helped me to see I AM NOT IN CONTROL, HE IS AND HE IS GOOD.
Sweet sister I wish I could hug you right now as tears feel your eyes and encourage you to keep working through the tough times while they are little and feel so fragile. Or while they are a rebellious teen. Or a distant child who never comes home.
I know you are scared, I am too but we are covered…
We have a great inconceivable God who is sovereign.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7
Mama, I don’t know what season of life you are in. Many of you are probably far wiser and mature in your parenting journey than I am but, as the saying goes…, you never stop being a parent. You never stop loving, fearing and fighting battles in your heart for your babies.
But remember, God is a parent too… an infinite father. He truly never stops, He never grows weary and He is awaiting the confessions of your broken mama heart.
He is waiting to exalt you through the instruction for His child that He has entrusted unto you.
You don’t walk alone. You don’t have to cower in fear and shame… He is waiting to know and hear your heart. He created you, He already knows you just have to decide are you ready to confess it?
Jesus, thank you for your grace covering us and for your Holy Spirit that has power that supersedes our understanding. Lord of my life, I pray that you would rebuke any emotions that try to rule over your truth in my heart and mind. Father, allow me to be of sound mind and to hold steadfast to you when everything feels like it is crashing down. Be with all the mamas who feel cowardly and riddled by fear. Strengthen us as only you can, In Jesus’ name, amen.
Reason 2911 