By trait, I am a rule follower. Even as a kid, when I stepped out of bounds, I would tattle on myself to my parents out of guilt for my disobedience.
This need for honesty and freedom from the tangled web of lies in itself is a gift. The curse however, is in the self-inflicted conviction and guilt.
This need and expectation of perfection for myself often leads me disappointment . I set a standard that I feel I should attain and maintain, but indefinitely, it always leads me back to one place, falling short.
Many days, I have made the mistake of making this characteristic of mine an idol in the place of a grace-giving God.
One piece of scripture I repeat many times both aloud and in the echo of my soul is, be set apart. The cry of my heart is to live a life that shows I have reverence for God, not just in certain places but in all places at all times.
It is true as children of God, we are called to look different than the rest of the world. We are called to do things that go against the sinful desires of our human nature.
We are called to think as others before ourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
Forgive unconditionally. (Matthew 18:21-22)
We are called to bear our cross, each and everyday. (Matthew 16:24)
All of these things that we are called to do can sometimes allow us to confuse God with a legalistic dictator rather than a loving Father.
As a body, I feel like we are broken in this place. When we make obeying God more about rules than relationship, we stifle the grace we have been given and trade it for guilt.
I am about to shock some people here but, the truth is…. Christians sin too. We mess up all of the time.
I mess up all of the time and I have a tendency to keep score of it, I allow the enemy to turn my mistakes into a conviction that is unhealthy.
All of this score keeping, keeps me from remembering the truth of the cross and basking in all of it’s richness.
In the beginning, God gave his children laws. These laws were not put in place as a standard to attain relationship but, they were guidelines for his dearly loved children. His intention was for them to be protected from the sinful desires that would lead them to destruction and brokenness.
After hundreds of years of watching and waiting for them to return to him, He went to them instead. God himself took the form of a man in Jesus Christ and in all his sinless perfection he lifted the weight of sin and death and put it upon himself.
7 The old way,[a] with laws etched in stone, led to death, though it began with such glory that the people of Israel could not bear to look at Moses’ face. For his face shone with the glory of God, even though the brightness was already fading away. 8 Shouldn’t we expect far greater glory under the new way, now that the Holy Spirit is giving life?
2 Corinthians 3:7-8
Praise God we aren’t held by the standard of the law.
Should we do our best to abide? Absolutely. The laws of God still stands true and exists for our own protection in living a life of fullness but, we are going to fail at doing it perfectly.
It must be noted, this isn’t an excuse to just do whatever we want because Jesus loves us. Though, it should remind us when we step out of our peramiters and recognize it we have an opportunity to repent and receive grace.
There was only one King and perfect man, He reigns in heaven and His name is Jesus Christ.
I love how this piece of scripture notes that the luster of Moses’ face begins to fade away as he walks out of the presence of God.
This is so true for me too. So many days, I can walk into church and put up the front that I have it together. I can feel like I am doing great with God and I am living and thriving in his will.
Some days, I do feel like I legitimately abide well, but even on my best days I fall short.
I walk into that building and the light of my soul shines bright, but I walk out and with each temptation and sin my light dims.
This is why I can’t allow the front to be there.
I AM NOT A GOOD “CHURCHY” PERSON.
I AM A CHILD OF GOD NO MATTER WHERE I AM OR WHAT CIRCUMSTANCE I AM IN.
I am just a broken sinner who realizes I can’t reach the perfection of God but I can rest in his protection.
I am a sinner striving everyday to strip away the old ways of life and put on the new.
Friend, I hope this gives you comfort.
These words are coming from a hurting heart of conviction tossing in the early hours of the morning and wrestling with admitting my brokenness.
Can I just tell you, it is okay to be broken.
You don’t have to stay that way. God wants to repair you but, don’t allow this world to dim your light by telling you he won’t accept you.
Lord, thank you for forgiving me of my sins. Thank you for grace and correction so perfectly balanced. Thank you for caring enough to guide me back to the path of right living when I veer of the tracks. Lord, do not let my brokenness be seen as hypocrisy. I pray that when I falter people would see your grace even more. Lord, lead our lives and let us listen. Cover us. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Reason 2911 