Whatever you say

My husband often teases me after we leave a new conversation. The tease usually begins with a rhetorical question, “was that awkward or was it just you?”

I do not know how or where it began but, for as long as I remember I have been an awkward conversationalist. This tendency heightens especially when I am in conversations with those I have high esteem for, large gatherings, or the dreaded first introduction.

I do not think I was really aware of this little quirk of mine until my husband pointed it out when we were dating. As I reviewed my years of “awakardness” in my mind, I recalled so many conversations where words went straight from my mind and right out of my mouth. No filtering, just a comment dangling out there in space somewhere between the stunned silence and head tilts.

In my case, the hardest part about being an awkward conversationalist is the fact that I never stop talking. So much so, that literally in the middle of conversation I lose my point. Not just every once in a while but basically on a daily basis.

On one particular morning before work, this awkward conversationalist found herself in line at our local WHAT-A-BURGER (If you have never been to one, do yourself a favor. Get in the car and get there as fast as you can.)As I was studying over the menu and having some long winded internal dialogue about what I was hungry for, I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit.

My eyes fell from the menu to a white haired man in a booth by the window, he was reading a book and did not look like he was in need of company.

I felt the Holy Spirit say, “go ask if you can pray for him.”

I replied back internally, “seriously? You know who you are talking to right? I will bomb this.”

I made up my mind and ordered my food in an attempt to brush it off and dismiss it completely as a made up inclination.

I could not shake the prompting though, it was an overwhelming jerk at my soul.

As the cashier handed me my food and change, I reasoned that if this was God I must follow through.

As I walked up to the man and introduced myself, he slowly lowered his book and revealed a bandaid over his right cheek and a very perplexed expression on his face.

I continued, “I am so sorry to bother you…”

When I explained why I approached him, my heart began to race. It was like the enemy had turned my mind into his indoor arena where every thought of insecurity about my faith went into play. I clouded out these racing thoughts by obedience, I said “I felt God tell me to come ask you how I can pray for you.”

He looked down at his book and back into my eyes. He lifted his finger to the bandage on his face. He said, “this here was cancer, I found out today that they got it all, praise him for that.” Then he looked back down and said something I will never forget.

He said, “Pray for my wife, I have loved her a long time but she has Alzheimers. Now more days are becoming bad than are good and I really want to be patient with her in that.”

I felt my skin turn flush as tears began to fill my eyes, I replied, “I will do that.” I don’t know if I said anything else after that, I was stunned and amazed at the hand of God. The next thing I remember is I opened the door to walk out of the restaurant when I heard the man call out my name.

I swiveled and as our eyes met he said, “I am counting on you.” I nodded, smiled, and walked out the door stunned.

As I got into my car I was overcome by a joy I have never known. This was the first time I had ever felt prompted by God and it lit a fire in my soul that made me want to run and shout of his goodness in the streets. I could not believe that even through my lack of social grace and discomfort that he allowed me to reach someone.

In Luke 5, Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. As the masses hearing the message had increased,  they started to press in on him. At that time, he stepped into  a nearby boat and asked the owner to push it out into the water so he may continue his message. When he concluded speaking, Jesus turned to Simon, the boats owner, “Now go out to where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.”

Pause for a moment, think if you were Simon and this happened to you. What would your reaction be when a man who was preaching just got in your boat and then asked you to push it away from the shore? Then, after you did that, he asked you to go out into deep water where it would be much less stable conditions, where fish are normally not plentiful. Then another request, to cast out your nets.

In the verses prior to this, the bible states that Simon and the other fisherman were already washing their nets. This signified that they had already finished fishing and it was time to rest. Yet, Jesus says lets go back to work.

As I close my eyes, I imagine a fisherman drenched in sweat and worn out from the night before although, when I see his response it grips my heart every time.

“Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” Luke 5:5

But if you say so…

What a beautiful example of what we are called to do. We are called to go or do whatever he says, simply because he says so.

When Simon obeyed and let down the nets, they were so full of fish that they began to tear. He had to call for others to help. The boats were so weighted down from their catch they began to sink.

When Simon had a moment to gather his thoughts and realize what had happened the bible says he was “awestruck,” it says him and two of his friends dropped everything and followed Jesus. ( Luke 5:5-5:11)

It is an amazing moment when the creator allows us to be used by him. I can’t say that I am always awestruck by the places he puts me. Sometimes I am just tired, trying to get through another day but, I do it because he says so. I do it for the simple opportunity to stand back and be amazed.

What is he saying to you today? Are you being told to cast out your net?

I pray that where ever he would lead you that you would cling tight to him in your obedience and discomfort. I pray that you would be completely awestruck at the beauty of the Lord who chose to use you as his special instrument. May you take courage. Thank you Father that you would allow us into your presence, may we boldly approach your throne in awe to hear you say, well done my faithful servant.